Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Buy One For The Price Of Two And Get Another Absolutely Free!

"Are you tired of people giving you bananas? .. Mistaking you for a Chimp?? ... Thanks to all that under-arm hair?? Well here's our product that can get rid of that in only a year... ... or two... ... .. . Yeah thats right! We can get rid of that unsightly hair in a year, or your money,... ..... .... well, that stays with us, but we will, offer our apologies, and send you a nice note.... "

Similar idiotic things aren't rare on Indian TV... The commercials that come up keep going from bad to worse..! Complete irrelevant things are brought up in them.. Things that make no sense at all and things which have nothing to do with the product at all are added in the commercial..

It was tough to come up with the worst of the worst... considering nearly all the commercials fit the endless list that I'm trying to coming up with... I'm sure there are many more and even worse commercials out there, which I haven't added in this list (otherwise this list would never end...) but in-fact, the commercials are usually sooo stupid, that it's the stupidity that makes you keep in mind the name of the product! 

So here's a list I came up with..


Number 5 -

"Hair so strong, you can pull a truck with it.."
"This Just-In : The secret has been revealed about the people who made it to Guinness World Records for pulling vehicles using their hair... They test positive for using Garnier Fructis Long & Strong Shampoo.."

Yup! That's what I think they're trying to convey in this stupid commercial...

Link To This Dumb Commercial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoV_xfvTViA

Earlier, when advertising the strength of hair they used to tug, pull, yank and jerk the hair and all.. This seems a little (and maybe a bit too much) of a giant step (literally) to show how strong hair can get..!
Gosh! Very soon they'll be making some hybrid chemicals which would be even resistant to scissors! How the hell would you cut hair then!?
Besides, next we'll be seeing her replacing the hook at the end of a crane....!

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel Let Down Your Hair..."
"..Be Careful It Might Just, Squash You Down There...!"

"Why do you think this shall go wrong?"
"..Because I happen to use Fructis, Long & Strong!"

Number 4 -

Harpic Toilet Cleaner.. Does The Same Work That Pepsi or CocaCola Would Have Done...
Just, this is specifically meant for the toilet...
..and I wouldn't be surprised if Pepsi & Harpic have a collaboration.

I've not got really much to say about this commercial because this crosses beyond my stupidity too... I mostly hate this one because I was having lunch one afternoon, and just my luck... this commercial came flashing on the screen... Ever since, I've taken my mom's advice which is to not watch TV while eating...
Watch This Sick Commercial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbsG_d2m7Ok
And yeah..! They might have gone quite far to search for some retard woman who talks to toilets.. Like shown above....

Well, all I can say is to hell with Harpic! 5 drops of Pepsi or Cola is all you need for better results!

Number 3 -

Chlormint Ka 'CHEENG GUM'

I'd prefer it if you first watched this commercial cause then this would make more sense.. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCI4Ya9YxE

Tourists step down in the middle of no-where because they see cows with 3 horns on them.. It gets weirder... The cows apparently seem to have an internal cooling system which apparently converts milk to fresh ice-cream...
We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin: Kwality Walls Ice-cream has just lost all its consumers to a bunch of cows...

Watch Cows With Internal Cooling Features at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCI4Ya9YxE

 Faking News : Salman Khan accused for food poisoning. He has also been charged with intentional murder to tourists. More on how the cows seemed to be defying laws of science, physics, biology, scientology, oompa-loompa-logy and every other 'logy' you've heard of. Sources say the cows were hybrid species that have escaped from Area51 and again, Salman Khan as been accused for smuggling them.

Besides, this commercial clearly just proved that chewing on a chewing gum, indeed, does make you look like a cow..
And I bet they lost all their consumers after this commercial..! I mean, not everyone like to have frozen internals! Maybe some one tried this and was sh*tting out ice-cubes later on.....

Number 2 -

"Kya aapke toothpaste mei namak he?"
BHEL BANA DE! .... "

Watch Lara Dutta get auditioned for Transformers at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nJw77ctzRA

What's next?  .. Having a full three-course meal while brushing your teeth!??! This kinda' reminds me of Willy Wonka's chewing gum...
Besides, this commercial is just too farfetched. (not that this is any different from others..) but it seems ridiculous that a camera crew and all are just waiting for someone to bite through something and go "ah!" so they can spring into action.. Like here at the counter they show Lara Dutta who the moment hearing the "ah!" transforms into this news reporter like lady.. And this happens too quick! Gee.. If I was there instead of this guy, I would be so startled by what just happened, I would have simply just let out a straight punch..!

*transforms* (woosh)
*punch* (lights out)


(drum roll......)

Guess ->
Click Here and Guess!!! :D xD

......................Now continue reading...! » » » » 

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Reasons Why Santa Clause Wouldn't Exist

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhists except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the work load for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to works with, thanks the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming east to west travel (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can
run (at best) 15 miles per hour (0.25 miles per second). The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO® set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying"
reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job cannt be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the Monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the Earth's atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating a deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mile per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now....

Besides, how fat is this guy anyway?! Everyone just seems to be leaving him a plate full of cookies!! I bet he's diabetic too don't you think!?!  .. Yeah! Gotta leave him a plate full of insulin how about that?! Cant wait to hear the story "The Night Before Christmas" next year! .... ... ... " The Night Before Christmas PART 2 - Santa's on dialysis and he's missing a leg..! "

Saturday, 3 September 2011

When clicking the button "Re-share" means "Don't Kill Me"

" Now that your reading this you can't stop... In other words, don't roll your eyeballs away... This is a story that involves a 5 year old girl who was playing in the park when she fell off the swing and a plane crash landed on her. Now you have 10 minutes to forward this to 4,59,31,120 friends or else that girl will come on that same plane and throw you off a swing "

LOL, does something like this sound familiar?? Stuff like this spreads like wildfire over the internet. It's shocking how many people actually believe this good-for-nothing time wasters. There are some really ridiculous ones that are going around... I found this on my Google Buzz page the other day...

This is a screenshot from one of the most scariest videos of all time - Rebecca Black's FRIDAY.
Now, seems to be made even more scary for some... 

If your interested in enlarging that picture in the screenshot, this is it -> https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8lDkczJpj6A/TjSTRfc-A7I/AAAAAAAABIM/zyVgLm7eAr0/tumblr_lhzp1lA5m41qe42ijo1_500.jpg

Anyway, at first I was looking for the circle around Rebecca... considering her to be the scary one... cause just once I heard that song of her's and it stayed in my head for the rest of the day.. (or it seemed like forever to me!) ...

Oh boy, but the internet is full of such other crap! I received this other Email a few months ago....

HAH! But they sure can't enter my room!! For one thing, there's no place for 4 people to come in thanks to all the mess...
And the other, I'm wide awake at midnight. And I have my baseball bat right below my bed.

Then again, the addresses of all 3 mentioned in the email, lead straight to a "No Such Place Exists" error on Google Maps... 

And there are Emails like this -> 

a girl was pushed down a sewer opening by 5 girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge the police were called. They went down and brought up 17 year old Carmen Winstead's body, her neck broken from hitting the ladder, and then the side concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: 2 months ago, 16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep. 5 hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise. David was gone.
That morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broken and his face skin peeled off. Even google her name- you'll findthis to be true If you don't repost this saying 'THEY PUSHED HER!!!' Then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in a sewer send to EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST.

This is one of the most LOLs of all time... (at least for me!)..  Get this - 

The word "SUBMERGED" is used in the second line. Read the sentence. "When she didn't submerge the police were called?????!!!!!" The word SUBMERGE means to descend below the surface of an area of water ... ...  so when she DIDN'T submerge, the police were called??! ...
Now as you can see, instead of writing "emerge"  the writer of this fake story, writes "submerge" ... He clearly needs to brush up his knowledge on English word meanings..
Now comes the laughing shower... This girl is spying on people damn it! xD

and then the mother getting up in the middle of the night thanks to a loud noise... .. .. hmm.... I guess the shower finally gave away due to the girl's weight.

And her son to be found in a sewer the next morning. His face skin peeled off... Yeah, this shows there wasn't enough space for him to fit through that shower...

Google her name! Don't let the image results scare you... They aren't of that girl. They're taken from other movies like THE GRUDGE, EXORCIST and THE RING... But anyway, one website says that there's no evidence of a girl by that name ever living, let alone having any of this happen to her. 

Apparently this ghost seems to be embedded in cyberspace too don't you think? Yeah, I guess sewers went out of fashion so she decided to go to the world wide web.. Well, she's keeping track of this Email, seeing whose not sending it and then mysteriously transports them to a sewer!? I swear she's getting a speed of 10PPS down there... (10 People Per Second)

LOL and I love the ending lines of this Email...! " Or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in a sewer "... lol.. "Where am I?"  ... must have had a real crappy dream eh? 
Also the "Carmen will get you... either from the sewer, the toilet, the shower... " From the toilet!? Seriously...? Can't imagine what her face might look like... Next time I sit down to crap and she comes from below, GOD HELP HER.

And there's much more ridiculous stories like these that are going around even right now as your reading this... And I bet somewhere right now there's another idiot whose writing a similar story all ready to cause another chain-mail... The point is, none of this is ever true. Nothing like this could ever happen! Any sort of death or incident like this, were it to happen in real life, would not be sent off with such reckless abandon in the form of a chain letter. It’s the kind of campfire stories that have been told for decades, and while it’s fun to sit with your friends and scare each other, there’s no truth behind any stories like these.

So please! Next time you receive such a garbage, instead of clicking "FORWARD" just next to it is a button called "DELETE" .... How about clicking that button instead?



PPS - ... if u really clicked "SHARE" because of the above statement...,

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

The Hazards of Making a Wrong Phone Call to Me...

Note: The following blog contains words in English that are typed out in a Hindi format.. In short, not many people out there may understand this... 

This happened a few weeks back...

I received a call on my phone from an unknown number one evening.. Not sure who it was, or it may be one of those automated messages advertising stuff, I let it ring till it got disconnected and enjoyed my AC\DC ringtone... A few seconds later, the same number called. Now I was pretty sure it wasn't one of those ad calls and was indeed a person calling..

"Hello?" I answered.

"Halloo!?" came the reply from the voice at the other end in a typical 'Marathi ishtyle', like she was trying to speak 'eengliss'

" 'Muze' Siddharth se baath kaarni thi "

Not knowing who the hell Siddharth was, I realized it was the wrong number dialed.

"Yeh galat number dial kiya hai aapne" I answered.

" Nahi mujhe Siddharth se baat kaaraao" ... ... came the reply.. ... .. O.o ..

I again repeated my sentence this time adding that I didn't know any 'Siddharth'

" Nahi mujhe Siddharth se baat kaaraao" ...

Now, slightly frustrated and amused that a person would still hang on, I decided to play around a little...

"HA! Siddharth! " I replied like I knew exactly what she was talking about. " Siddharth par guzar gaya na? "

" KYA!? " she shouted like she wanted to blow off the magnet out of my speaker. " KAB GUZAR GAYA?!!! "

"Yahi, kuch do-teen din pahile " I answered like I was the one who attended his funeral. "Waise aap unko kaise jante the? "

" Mei uski MA bol rahi hu "

..... ..... ..... ..... ..... .. ..  .... ... .. . . <!CLICK!> ..... ..... .... ... .. .... ..... .. .. .. .. .. ..

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Mission - UID

Earlier today, I was at. Central Bank to apply for the Unique Identity Card, a new government initiative that wants all Indian citizens to have this card. So anyway, we were the first people there.. (literally) .. We got there even before the bank itself had opened.. and got to see the not-so-very rare sight of a sleeping security guard, he was on this chair with his cap on his face echoing his snores...

Few minutes later, hearing the sound of my family and I talking, he wakes up from his dream of being the loudest at snoring. He gets up all confused and dazed. He walks towards the rear end of the building and pours cold water over his head just in time before the manager arrived in a posh four-wheeler. The manager took a look at my grandfather and immediately recognized him. My grandfather actually had worked at Central Bank,  and knew some of the people still after all these years.

"How are you sir!" said the manager as he approached us. "Good to see you" he said... And granddad told him the reason we were here and all and then the manager told us that there is another room for senior citizens  or ex workers of the bank and their family where they could get their work done faster and better. So we were let into the back entrance like VIPs! .. (now I know how those politicians are treated!) ..

We headed upstairs to the second floor and were taken into this room which had this big table in the middle,.. which kinda was in an elliptical shape, with chairs on either side and the table itself filling up almost half of the room. There was a huge 40" LG flat-screen HD ready TV there. I wonder why though. ..(Well, I guess it does get boring too in the banks.) ..  But anyway, the TV seemed kind of out of the ordinary. My mom said it may be required for those video conferencing things, but that fails to explain the presence of a Tata Sky set top box..

Two women enter the room and switch on their 200BC computers also containing the "Windows Genuine Advantage" pop up on the Windows XP desktop. The reason why I say '200BC' is because those computers were like running on Pentium 1? maybe less.. from the looks of it, it looked like the second model after ENIAC...  and then my eyes rolled over to the high-tech TV again.. .. Bizarre..

So anyway, they setup the camera which is hooked onto this computer screen that is facing towards you. .. (Thank god atleast the camera was made somewhere in the 21st century!) ..  They then setup the finger print scanner beside the computer, and finally an eye scanner.. It's supposed to scan your retina or something. So basically, they needed to take a photo of yours, then your finger print, your retina scan, and a few documents.. Not much a big of a deal right? ... That's what I thought so too... and I was wrong..

And thus it began...

Several minutes passed by and two women walked into the room with their Marathi conversation, paused, glanced at us, turned back to each other, and went back to their chit-chat. Few minutes later they told us that everything was ready and that the first person could now come. I walked up.
Aim- Getting the retina scan done.
Requirements- Retina scanner, your eyes popping out wide.
Execution- "Now open your eyes wide and hold the retina scanner up to your eyes and look into it" said one of the ladies. Now this retina scanner was like a binocular. I had to hold it exactly one inch away from my eye, not shake and open my eyes wide. Or as the lady said, " Grow your eyes " ... ... ... so I 'grew my eyes' wide and looked like a loony. Now, I had to wait for the scanner to take that retina picture the moment it detects my retina. And my eyes were wide open and 'growing' and trust me, keeping your eyes open like that and not blinking for more than 15 seconds, makes your eyes water a little. And just when things were bad already for my eyes, suddenly, a flash of a huge white light comes out from the right side of the binocular almost temporarily blinding me... As I come around they said that I had blinked and so the picture couldn't be taken. OMG!. Now I had to grow my eyes again and become blind.. this time, thankfully the moment I brought the funny looking binocular near my eyes, it automatically beeped and they said it was done.. (I take the beep as what I would have liked to said).. .. . But then what was all that with the flash and forcefully popping my eyes out!!?
Conclusion- Growing your eyes may lead to temporary blindness..

- Getting your fingerprint scan.
Requirements- Fingerprint Scanner, a lot of strength in the thumbs.
Execution- A damp cloth is used to wipe your thumb so that any dirt on the finger is removed before taking the scan. Now I place both my moist thumbs on the scanner and a green light goes below it horizontally from left to right and then right to left. Two beeps sound from it in a low tone. "Sir please apply more pressure" says the lady. So I do as told. But now, when I apply pressure, my thumbs are moist, and the surface below is smooth and slightly moist too.. (get it?..) Yeeaap!  ...my thumbs slid right across to the next end of the scanner and went down onto the table almost pushing the scanner off the table...!  This happened all too quickly! ... "Sir the objective here isn't to break it" she said. So we take it again. This time, I think the machine realized that this wasn't any other person taking a fingerprint scan and decided to behave itself. In the next try I put down my fingers with the same pressure you'd use to press a feather-touch button.. The green light gets below my thumbs and beeps and they say the job was complete and the machine could live to do another scan...
- One hard hit on the head can surely crack things up!

- Getting your monkey face captured on camera.
Requirements- A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER WHO KNOWS WHEN NOT TO CLICK! ... , your loony face,.. .. .. and you not sneezing...
Execution- "Now sir please sit still and rest your back against the wall" said the lady... and I was wearing my new black Tshirt and resting behind a white wall... :) ... aren't I lucky! ...  anyway she hooks the camera onto the screen and faces it towards me. "Okay sir, now I shall click your pictu....." <!!!AACHHHOOO!!!> and I sneezed.. .. !   .. and my sneeze seemed to have echoed in the empty room therefore sounding even more thundering.. and in all that, my sneeze was soo unexpected, (even by me!) it really gave all of us the goosebumps.. and the lady who was going to take the photograph, was soo shocked by the sneeze that she clutched her palm tight.. right when it was on the mouse's left click button.. yeah... guess the picture that turned out... ...
They actually caught me in the middle of a sneeze!! Seriously, the picture was hilarious..! Try this - take your finger and use it to lift the tip of your nose up.. squint your eyes, and drop your lower jaw... ... .. Go look in a mirror... Try hard not to die by laughing...
That was how I was looking...
And there was no way I was going to allow that to be put up on the card...! So we definitely took another picture.. This time, it came out better.. Well, not as I had expected, but definitely better than the first time...
Conclusion- Sneezing while taking your picture..., BAD IDEA. .... And picture taken, BAD LUCK..

But anyway after all that we finally managed to get the work done.


- Getting your Unique Identity Card done.. GOOD... Getting it done from Central Bank, OKAY!, Getting it done by the same lady, RUN!!!

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Indian TV Serials And Their Unusual Ways Of Doing What They Do...

I was sitting one day in front of the TV, (like always)... flipping through channels (like always again)... and came to a pause on the channel Star Plus .. (my first biggest mistake).. and began to watch.. (my second biggest mistake)... and then as I was watching, I kind of felt like there was hardly any story to what was exactly happening.. Of-course these serials are going on even since before the Cold War began, but I tried to comprehend what was happening nevertheless... (and thus the torture began) ...
Even though till date I'm never able to understand head or tail of it, I managed to see some really retarded scenes...

It's astonishing the amount of tears an actor can get in the serials... Nearly every second scene has a person crying... I mean who the hell is sitting below chopping onions below them!? and if not onions, then what do they put anyway?! ... I think they lock them up in a room and play Rebecca Black's FRIDAY throughout the time... that's the only explanation to the amount of tears...

Secondly... What's up with having the camera man merry-go-round the actor at 100rpm?! In many of the scenes, the actor will be in the center and the camera will be circling the actor not less then 10 times before switching to circle the opposing actor... Well, they better have provided sick bags for the camera crew...

And not to mention, the most cutting edge technology in visual effects.... You'd see a  picture of the actor, turn red, green, pink, blue, and what not.., all flashing and giving a jumpy effect.... like the camera man's bouncing up and down.... they really have no motion sickness as I can tell.. If a 3D version were ever to be made of these scenes, people would be crawling their way out of the theater..., begging for mercy.. (that's not quite far from what I did after watching the show)...

And then having those 10 minute stills which have eye contact with the other characters and not blinking and standing like statues till the commercials come..... ...  What The Hell!? Are they trying to prove even a fly on their eye lash cant stop them from blinking!? I know! Show them the numbers of current MySpace visitors that should make them blink!

And now, their trademark 'Back From The Dead' scenes... These people don't seem to get enough out of one actor even after they work him to his death... Therefore, we bring him back! Yeah, never heard the phrase 'Man Plays God' like this...! They'd get the person killed some how, and bring him back to life..! No matter even if the guy was shot 20 times on either side of the body, burnt in a furnace and finally chopped to pieces and dumped in the sea... You'd think such a person would have already passed Saint Peter but no..! He's very much on set.... Ready to pop up in any scene in a complete suit and stunning looks... not a scratch visible.. Yea, he's got double the power than Chuck Norris...
And they'd give some heroic scene of how he escaped, wounded, bleeding, or how the love of his life kept calling him back and blah blah etc etc.... yea.. I got bored by then... So I switched the channel... .. .. (finally!) .. to Colors TV ... (WTF) .. .. .. and then, .....  .. .

                                                   ... ...... ... . .And then I passed out... .... ... ..

Sunday, 3 July 2011


10 classic Indianisms: 'Doing the needful' and more

We are a unique species, aren’t we? Not humans. Indians, I mean. No other race speaks or spells like we do.
Take greetings for example.
A friendly clerk asking me for my name is apt to start a conversation with, “What is your good name?” As if I hold that sort of information close to my heart and only divulge my evil pseudonym. Bizarre.
I call these Indianisms.
Which got me thinking about a compilation, a greatest hits of the 10 most hilarious Indianisms out there. And here they are. The most common ones, and my favorites among them.

1. 'Passing out'

When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.
You do not "pass out" from that institution.
To "pass out" refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.
Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually "passing out," but this is rare at best.

2. 'Kindly revert'

One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.
Revert means "to return to a former state."
I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.
“Please revert at the earliest.”
“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 1 p.m. today."

3. 'Years back'

If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not "years back."
Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched "ago" for "back" probably did it years back. See what I mean?
And speaking of "back," asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.
“So when did you buy this car?”
“Oh, years back.”
“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”

4. 'Doing the needful'

Try to avoid using the phrase "do the needful." It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.
Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.
You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.
“Will you do the needful?”
“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it's done too.”

5. 'Discuss about'

“What shall we discuss about today?”
“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar.”
You don't "discuss about" something; you just discuss things.
The word "discuss" means to "talk about". There is no reason to insert the word "about" after "discuss."
That would be like saying "talk about about." Which "brings about" me to my next peeve.

6. 'Order for'

"Hey, let’s order for a pizza."
"Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”
When you order something, you "order" it, you do not "order for" it.
Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?
Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the "doing" word and added "for" to make sure 
their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.

7. 'Do one thing'

When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase "do one thing," you're doing it wrong.
"Do one thing" is a phrase that does not make sense.
It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.
There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with "do one thing" invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.
“My computer keeps getting hung.”
“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer... .”

8. 'Out of station'

“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”
“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”
Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.
What's wrong with "out of town" or "not in Mumbai" or my favorite "I'm not here"?

9. The big sleep

"I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming."
"OK, say hi to it for me."
While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. "Sleep is coming" is taking things a bit too far.
Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own personalities.

10. 'Prepone'

“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”
Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?
"Prepone" is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.
Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.
We don’t have the time to say silly things like "could you please bring the meeting forward."

Prepone it is.

There are many more pure grammatical "gems" in what we call Indian English. Perhaps in time I’ll list some more. And perhaps in the near future, we’ll get better at English.

I received the above text in an email that was forwarded to me by a friend of mine.. I thought this was informative and so I put it up! Just stating that I'm not the original author of the above text. 

Friday, 1 July 2011


I was wondering the other day.. How would it be if,

The Wright brothers had acrophobia ... fear of heights...
If a lift man had claustrophobia... .. fear of closed places...
If a pest control guy had acarophobia... fear of insects that cause itching...
If your house-keeper had amathophobia... fear of dust...
If a airport control tower guy had anablephobia ... fear of looking up...
If your teacher for your positive thinking lecture had triskaidekaphobia... fear of the number 13...
If your new born baby had ambulophobia ... fear of walking..
If your gardener had anthrophobia ... fear of flowers...
If your fire-fighter had arsonphobia ... fear of fire..
If your hypnotist had ophthalmophobia... fear of being stared at...
If Stephen Hawkings had astrophobia... fear of stars or celestial space..
If your paramedic had hematophobia ... fear of blood...
If Osama Bin Laden had hoplophobia.... fear of firearms..
If your tour guide had xenophobia... fear of strangers or foreigners
If your landlord had orthophobia .. fear of property..
If your driving teacher had amaxophobia .. fear of riding in a car...
If your mechanic had ochophobia ... fear of vehicles...
If a stand up comedian had gelotophobia ... fear of being laughed at..
If Albert Einstein had gnosiophobia .. fear of knowledge..
If your lawyer had dikephobia ... fear of justice...
If your barber had chaetophobia ... fear of hair..
If Santa Clause had chionophobia ... fear of snow..
If the Miss Universe judge had caligynephobia ... fear of beautiful women..
If Sir Isaac Newton had barophobia... fear of gravity..
If Dr. Phill had allodoxaphobia .. fear of opinions..
If Bill Gates had technophobia .. fear of technology..


The names of all these phobias were found from the website http://phobialist.com/ .. And if you have anymore you can think of, post them here too! :D

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Google Changing.. For Better or Worse..?

Well, we all know by now that Google keeps changing their logo on certain occasions to mark dates in history. "Google Doodles" as they are called. But, it doesn't stop there. Google just recently changed their entire layout! I've been noticing that for the past couple of months, there are a few minute changes here and there in Google's appearance and layout. Like, for example, a week ago or so, we saw that Google's upper bar which displayed the options "Web | Images | Videos ..." etc, was in white color; also having the "iGoogle" and "Sign In" button on the right of the bar. Well, now, that bar is in dark black color, and the "iGoogle" option has been discarded.. Another thing I noticed weeks ago, was the size increment in Google's logo.. It was huge and Google added their new feature called "Google Instant" where as you're typing, search results start coming relating to your search, till the last letter of your search. That kind of made Google seem snappy, also excluding the need for pressing the Enter key or clicking on "Google Search" to get your result. Plus, the other new feature, which Google added a week ago or so is Google's "Voice Search". Where after configuring your microphone, you could instead of typing your query, could now speak it into the search box! It was really cool since it was kind of like a state-of-the-art feature for the lay person. It's kind of cool.. You can use it if you're not sure of your spelling, or are slow at typing, or simply, like to talk a lot.. :P And the many other impressive features like Google's Image Search, which just got better..! Now you can click a photo and upload it into Google Images to find out what it is..! Or simply paste the URL of a picture that you want to know more about.. It's really awesome!

But woah! .. On 29th Jun 2011, it exploded! There was a complete change! Google now has its logo smaller, and is now in the center of the page. The buttons of "Google Search" and "I'm feeling lucky" have become smaller and I think the font too has changed slightly. Notice the overall change by going to www.google.com .. I think they are trying to make it look cleaner, sharper and more appealing. Also, now when you type a query, you'll notice that the "Search" button which used to be there to the right of the search box (when using Google Instant or when you're at the results page) has now been transformed into a magnifying glass with a blue background. And on the left where you have your search result filters or options, the color has changed. The headings are now in red and the sub headings in grey. Google's kind of changed the color scheme and the layout! This I think is a big change in the past few years in Google.

So... What do you think of the new Google? Is it better? Is it worse? You've got another idea? Or you're not bothered? Write down your thoughts...!