Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Buy One For The Price Of Two And Get Another Absolutely Free!

"Are you tired of people giving you bananas? .. Mistaking you for a Chimp?? ... Thanks to all that under-arm hair?? Well here's our product that can get rid of that in only a year... ... or two... ... .. . Yeah thats right! We can get rid of that unsightly hair in a year, or your money,... ..... .... well, that stays with us, but we will, offer our apologies, and send you a nice note.... "

Similar idiotic things aren't rare on Indian TV... The commercials that come up keep going from bad to worse..! Complete irrelevant things are brought up in them.. Things that make no sense at all and things which have nothing to do with the product at all are added in the commercial..

It was tough to come up with the worst of the worst... considering nearly all the commercials fit the endless list that I'm trying to coming up with... I'm sure there are many more and even worse commercials out there, which I haven't added in this list (otherwise this list would never end...) but in-fact, the commercials are usually sooo stupid, that it's the stupidity that makes you keep in mind the name of the product! 

So here's a list I came up with..


Number 5 -

"Hair so strong, you can pull a truck with it.."
"This Just-In : The secret has been revealed about the people who made it to Guinness World Records for pulling vehicles using their hair... They test positive for using Garnier Fructis Long & Strong Shampoo.."

Yup! That's what I think they're trying to convey in this stupid commercial...

Link To This Dumb Commercial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoV_xfvTViA

Earlier, when advertising the strength of hair they used to tug, pull, yank and jerk the hair and all.. This seems a little (and maybe a bit too much) of a giant step (literally) to show how strong hair can get..!
Gosh! Very soon they'll be making some hybrid chemicals which would be even resistant to scissors! How the hell would you cut hair then!?
Besides, next we'll be seeing her replacing the hook at the end of a crane....!

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel Let Down Your Hair..."
"..Be Careful It Might Just, Squash You Down There...!"

"Why do you think this shall go wrong?"
"..Because I happen to use Fructis, Long & Strong!"

Number 4 -

Harpic Toilet Cleaner.. Does The Same Work That Pepsi or CocaCola Would Have Done...
Just, this is specifically meant for the toilet...
..and I wouldn't be surprised if Pepsi & Harpic have a collaboration.

I've not got really much to say about this commercial because this crosses beyond my stupidity too... I mostly hate this one because I was having lunch one afternoon, and just my luck... this commercial came flashing on the screen... Ever since, I've taken my mom's advice which is to not watch TV while eating...
Watch This Sick Commercial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbsG_d2m7Ok
And yeah..! They might have gone quite far to search for some retard woman who talks to toilets.. Like shown above....

Well, all I can say is to hell with Harpic! 5 drops of Pepsi or Cola is all you need for better results!

Number 3 -

Chlormint Ka 'CHEENG GUM'

I'd prefer it if you first watched this commercial cause then this would make more sense.. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCI4Ya9YxE

Tourists step down in the middle of no-where because they see cows with 3 horns on them.. It gets weirder... The cows apparently seem to have an internal cooling system which apparently converts milk to fresh ice-cream...
We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin: Kwality Walls Ice-cream has just lost all its consumers to a bunch of cows...

Watch Cows With Internal Cooling Features at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCI4Ya9YxE

 Faking News : Salman Khan accused for food poisoning. He has also been charged with intentional murder to tourists. More on how the cows seemed to be defying laws of science, physics, biology, scientology, oompa-loompa-logy and every other 'logy' you've heard of. Sources say the cows were hybrid species that have escaped from Area51 and again, Salman Khan as been accused for smuggling them.

Besides, this commercial clearly just proved that chewing on a chewing gum, indeed, does make you look like a cow..
And I bet they lost all their consumers after this commercial..! I mean, not everyone like to have frozen internals! Maybe some one tried this and was sh*tting out ice-cubes later on.....

Number 2 -

"Kya aapke toothpaste mei namak he?"
BHEL BANA DE! .... "

Watch Lara Dutta get auditioned for Transformers at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nJw77ctzRA

What's next?  .. Having a full three-course meal while brushing your teeth!??! This kinda' reminds me of Willy Wonka's chewing gum...
Besides, this commercial is just too farfetched. (not that this is any different from others..) but it seems ridiculous that a camera crew and all are just waiting for someone to bite through something and go "ah!" so they can spring into action.. Like here at the counter they show Lara Dutta who the moment hearing the "ah!" transforms into this news reporter like lady.. And this happens too quick! Gee.. If I was there instead of this guy, I would be so startled by what just happened, I would have simply just let out a straight punch..!

*transforms* (woosh)
*punch* (lights out)


(drum roll......)

Guess ->
Click Here and Guess!!! :D xD

......................Now continue reading...! » » » » 

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Reasons Why Santa Clause Wouldn't Exist

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhists except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the work load for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to works with, thanks the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming east to west travel (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can
run (at best) 15 miles per hour (0.25 miles per second). The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO® set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying"
reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job cannt be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the Monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the Earth's atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating a deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mile per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now....

Besides, how fat is this guy anyway?! Everyone just seems to be leaving him a plate full of cookies!! I bet he's diabetic too don't you think!?!  .. Yeah! Gotta leave him a plate full of insulin how about that?! Cant wait to hear the story "The Night Before Christmas" next year! .... ... ... " The Night Before Christmas PART 2 - Santa's on dialysis and he's missing a leg..! "

Saturday, 3 September 2011

When clicking the button "Re-share" means "Don't Kill Me"

" Now that your reading this you can't stop... In other words, don't roll your eyeballs away... This is a story that involves a 5 year old girl who was playing in the park when she fell off the swing and a plane crash landed on her. Now you have 10 minutes to forward this to 4,59,31,120 friends or else that girl will come on that same plane and throw you off a swing "

LOL, does something like this sound familiar?? Stuff like this spreads like wildfire over the internet. It's shocking how many people actually believe this good-for-nothing time wasters. There are some really ridiculous ones that are going around... I found this on my Google Buzz page the other day...

This is a screenshot from one of the most scariest videos of all time - Rebecca Black's FRIDAY.
Now, seems to be made even more scary for some... 

If your interested in enlarging that picture in the screenshot, this is it -> https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8lDkczJpj6A/TjSTRfc-A7I/AAAAAAAABIM/zyVgLm7eAr0/tumblr_lhzp1lA5m41qe42ijo1_500.jpg

Anyway, at first I was looking for the circle around Rebecca... considering her to be the scary one... cause just once I heard that song of her's and it stayed in my head for the rest of the day.. (or it seemed like forever to me!) ...

Oh boy, but the internet is full of such other crap! I received this other Email a few months ago....

HAH! But they sure can't enter my room!! For one thing, there's no place for 4 people to come in thanks to all the mess...
And the other, I'm wide awake at midnight. And I have my baseball bat right below my bed.

Then again, the addresses of all 3 mentioned in the email, lead straight to a "No Such Place Exists" error on Google Maps... 

And there are Emails like this -> 

a girl was pushed down a sewer opening by 5 girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge the police were called. They went down and brought up 17 year old Carmen Winstead's body, her neck broken from hitting the ladder, and then the side concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: 2 months ago, 16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep. 5 hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise. David was gone.
That morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broken and his face skin peeled off. Even google her name- you'll findthis to be true If you don't repost this saying 'THEY PUSHED HER!!!' Then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in a sewer send to EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST.

This is one of the most LOLs of all time... (at least for me!)..  Get this - 

The word "SUBMERGED" is used in the second line. Read the sentence. "When she didn't submerge the police were called?????!!!!!" The word SUBMERGE means to descend below the surface of an area of water ... ...  so when she DIDN'T submerge, the police were called??! ...
Now as you can see, instead of writing "emerge"  the writer of this fake story, writes "submerge" ... He clearly needs to brush up his knowledge on English word meanings..
Now comes the laughing shower... This girl is spying on people damn it! xD

and then the mother getting up in the middle of the night thanks to a loud noise... .. .. hmm.... I guess the shower finally gave away due to the girl's weight.

And her son to be found in a sewer the next morning. His face skin peeled off... Yeah, this shows there wasn't enough space for him to fit through that shower...

Google her name! Don't let the image results scare you... They aren't of that girl. They're taken from other movies like THE GRUDGE, EXORCIST and THE RING... But anyway, one website says that there's no evidence of a girl by that name ever living, let alone having any of this happen to her. 

Apparently this ghost seems to be embedded in cyberspace too don't you think? Yeah, I guess sewers went out of fashion so she decided to go to the world wide web.. Well, she's keeping track of this Email, seeing whose not sending it and then mysteriously transports them to a sewer!? I swear she's getting a speed of 10PPS down there... (10 People Per Second)

LOL and I love the ending lines of this Email...! " Or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in a sewer "... lol.. "Where am I?"  ... must have had a real crappy dream eh? 
Also the "Carmen will get you... either from the sewer, the toilet, the shower... " From the toilet!? Seriously...? Can't imagine what her face might look like... Next time I sit down to crap and she comes from below, GOD HELP HER.

And there's much more ridiculous stories like these that are going around even right now as your reading this... And I bet somewhere right now there's another idiot whose writing a similar story all ready to cause another chain-mail... The point is, none of this is ever true. Nothing like this could ever happen! Any sort of death or incident like this, were it to happen in real life, would not be sent off with such reckless abandon in the form of a chain letter. It’s the kind of campfire stories that have been told for decades, and while it’s fun to sit with your friends and scare each other, there’s no truth behind any stories like these.

So please! Next time you receive such a garbage, instead of clicking "FORWARD" just next to it is a button called "DELETE" .... How about clicking that button instead?



PPS - ... if u really clicked "SHARE" because of the above statement...,