Saturday, 4 February 2012

You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You're Driving...

Traffic... Something here in India which forces you to see each and every bizarre kind of mode of transport - six wheelers, four wheelers, three wheelers, two wheelers, unicycles, go-karts, airplanes, horses, elephants, cows, goats, hotdogs, paper boats, flying magic carpets, Ron Weasley's flying car.. .... ... ...  ...
.. you get the idea.. ...
And this traffic never stops here... Literally.. Never! .. just until they reach their destination... *i.e, safely* Plus, traffic's egoistic... Everyone wants to go first.. Where there's a will there's a way?? .. .. You might wanna rephrase that... .. Here we go by "Where there's an empty space there's a way to squeeze the vehicle in.. "

Many challenges are faced by the Indian drivers... Such as to be looking out for the blind driver in the ambulance right behind your vehicle that's parked in the no parking zone while you're bribing the cop is one of them...

Driving in India is an Art...  If you survive Indian traffic, you might as just call yourself Invincible...

"We beg you to stop!" ..  
 Yours Sincerely , .. 
Thoroughly fed up, .. 
Traffic Signals -

Choose Your Preference

Well, now traffic lights are also confused.. When they show 'Red' we do 'Green' and when it's 'Green' well, ... we go anyway...   so now, it's showing all of them so you decide... but anyway, we've been doing that all along.. no biggie..
I guess all the drivers here are colorblind...
I think I got to know how people read the colors..

Red - Look up, down, left, right .. - don't see a cop? .. .. .. ... ..  Rev the engine.. God Speed junkie..
Yellow - Quickly! Make it before it turns red!
Green - o_O .. What does that mean now?!?! .. .. Oh fuh-get it! I'm getting late to water my dead plants.!

I don't know what goes through people's minds as they're seeing that big red dot in the sky ..! They just see it and go "Hey! Look at that woman's forehead! Its HUGE!!" ..! and they just keep going!

Craters ... aka ... Potholes - 

Challenge #2 - Dodge The Obstacle Course..
Planet Tatooine tries to stop Indian traffic after signals fail...
         Hurls pebbles at streets!        No Havoc Caused...
            People have remained as ignorant as always.. 

I guess since signals and/or speed-breakers aren't really capable of slowing down traffic, poor road construction to the rescue! Pot holes create a new obstacle course for the drivers, either injuring you to a stop or injuring you to a stop.. ... .. ..
Am I right or am I right? (Y/y)

Why go to the sea...? Fishing is possible just down the road.. .. .. On the road...
This Just-In: The fish market has lost all their costumers to a pothole..
Read more, on potholes rule dot com
potholes take over dot we don't know the domain!

Twisted Signs - 

Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.. 

Those who still live, shall be locked in a dark room and tortured heavily for three complete days... .... ...
By playing Rebecca Black's FRIDAY song over and over again on a
'what-it-would-seem-like-forever' loop...!   
                                         ...And FYI: That's worse than being prosecuted .. ...

Challenge #3 - Decipher the sign..
With so many open manholes, I guess this sign is appropriate... 

What does this sign mean in anyway?

Happy free-falling into one of the open manholes?!
Gravity loss?
Be careful of people walking below the street?!
Its Raining Men?
The world is really upside down!?
A spoof of The Beatles crossing the road?
Beware of your shadow while on zebra crossing?
Subway opening shortly?  .. .. The path not the eatery...

This notice board, unwittingly, is a great metaphor for the slow pace
at which infrastructure works generally progress in India.. 

No Rapper?? I guess this is why Eminem never showed up here in India?

Walking-Talking Vending Machines - 

Challenge #4 - Resist temptation to buy stuff you won't ever need...

If you're at a traffic signal and the traffic by chance, accidentally comes to a stop, hawkers and vendors will pop out from every nook and corner and try to sell you their shizz..
They'll try selling to you things you weren't even thinking about at the current moment!
And sometimes, you wont EVER think about buying at all!

You could be in your car and suddenly <knock! knock! knock!>
"You want cauliflower?" 

what! What? WHAT!?! 

When have you ever been sitting there and saying "man! I could really go for some cauliflower right now...!"

Find Your Way Through The Maze of TRAFFIC - 

Challenge #5 - Find a way out through zero visibility..
The only thing that's visible in the next 2 feet is the rear end of the vehicle ahead...

Well, here's a sight.. I think I should rephrase my earlier statement... Traffic does stop ... .. ... .. Dead stop.
There maybe a cow crossing the street up ahead...
And a cow will cross the street in India... You don't have to be out on the country side to see a cow.. You could be in the heart of the city during rush hour and see a cow crossing the street...
And the cows in India are skinny!! Why don't you think we guys eat beef much? It has nothing to do with religion!??! It has to do with common sense!!! There's No Beef - On The Cow!!  Ever seen two Indian guys talking like -

"Hey man! I really want a steak"
"From what?! THAT?! ... ... That's not a cow.. ... ..thats a swollen goat.."

Another thing in India, with so much traffic, you're not moving actually .. And on rush hour, you're not moving at all..   Lanes? what are you talking about? Here we have a system called "create a lane" ... .. If you see an open space, .. .. take it and go!

You'll be driving almost at the edge of the road..., and still someone would manage to squeeze themselves between your vehicle and the footpath you're just 5 feet close to.. And if there's some space on the footpath? ooh boy... .. I swear personal experience..

I was walking on this footpath down town, listening to some music on my iPod, and suddenly I hear a horn behind me.. At first I thought this must be some vehicle on the road.. (which seemed a perfectly normal judgement) but then on second thought I felt the horn was quite loud to be a little away from me on the road, and then I hear an engine.. I turn around and there's this guy on a two wheeler telling me to move.. as I move past allowing the very law abiding citizen to do his noble deed, he zoomed passed and in an annoying tone said out loud - "People aren't supposed to walk in the middle of the road"

...Seriously dude? o_O